FAQs - frequently asked questions

1. Will I be the only nervous one on the course? Will everyone else be better than me?
No is the quick answer. Most people on my course don't want to be there! Public speaking is something that lots of people want to avoid so they come on my course with reluctance. The good thing about that is that everybody is the same boat and quite often there is a sense of huge relief that "Its not just me who feels like this". I encourage participants to support each other and very quickly the group becomes a place where people feel encouraged to safely explore what gets in the way for them.

2. Will you fix me?
Again no is the answer. I can't make that promise to fix you - it would be unrealistic. What I promise is that I will do my best - I've got 10 years experience of running this course. What I hope for is that you will see public speaking in a very different light; simpler, far less stressful, and far more possible. And I also offer a course guarantee so if you really don't get what you want from the cousre you get your money back. Only one person in 10 years have asked for their money returned.

3. Do I need to prepare anything?
Guess what? The answer is no again! What you will learn is the real fundamentals of public speaking so that you can be in front of people with ease. So we concentrate on this important stage of speaking so that you will find it a lot easier to be in front of people. If you are more comfortable in front of people then you will have more capability, more potential to be yourself in front of people. Then you have far more options.

4. I am so scared - do I need to book three workshops?
Book one and see if you need to book any more after that. You can always reserve a place and let me know after the workshop. Most people are pleasantly surprised how much they have changed in one day. A few people do one workshop a year just to get a top up but its more because they now love doing the course!

5. I have a huge fear of public speaking - can you help me?
I often get emails like this: " i have great difficulty with public speaking. I have even gone to therapy in a bid to cure this but nothing seems to worked. I feel very anxious, tight chest and short of breath at the mere thought of doing a presentation. Could you help me in any way?"
Yes, what you write about is exactly why I do the work. It is possible to make a huge difference in how we see public speaking even in a day.



10 core practices of a life-affirming speaker - 3

A Life-affirming speaker...

3. Practices being present and being comfortable in silence. When we are able to be in the moment, rather than worrying about the future or the past  then clarity and insight can come. This focus on being present is at the core of our approach. When we can allow ourselves to be here in this moment, being available to one person at time, then we move away from seeing speaking as performing or delivering to one of just  being. We can become comfortable in silence, comfortable having the space to think, to listen even.

People often talk about having a "blank mind" when they start public speaking. They are not talking about a calm mind - thought free mind. They are usually in panic. We really over-think public speaking. We actually get over-whelmed by our thinking. Imagine the next paragraph as the thinking process going on when we speak. And it happens in a rush and it feels like almost one thought. As well as speaking we might be thinking these thoughts almost all at the same time (Big Breath)
"Can I remember the beginning of this speech? Am I boring? What's my next line? Am I wearing the right clothes/shoes? Are my flies undone? What happens if someone asks me a question I can't answer? What happens if they don't like me? Can they see I'm nervous? Am I going red? Help, what's the name of my boss?, Can I get out of here quickly? what will happen if I faint now? " etc etc etc

That's too much going on for us. No wonder it feels grim. So we need to able to move into a quieter mind. To be able to just be there rather than work so hard. If we can be quiet and allow ourselves just be in the moment. That's presence - that's at the core of what we need to be comfortable as a speaker. And comfortable for the audience too. If you are able to be in the moment then the audience will be able to relax. 

Pauses allow us space to think and for the audience to take in what you have said. Can we get an ease in being ourselves in front of people? Can we take our place in the world with more ease?

I'm not saying you can just switch a switch and suddenly you can get be fully present in front of a group. That takes some work. And its where we need to get the skills and to keep on practicing them. A speaking circle group gives us an effective way to these skills. And that's why I teach this approach which concentrates on presence first.

What's your experience of being present? Can you allow yourself just to be right here? What gets in the way for you?

we are not alone

When people come on my course they often say something like "Oh, I thought i was the only one that suffered like this with stage fright. I thought everyone else could do it - but I can't".
So if we are not careful we think its just us that has got it wrong.  All sorts of people including managers, head teachers, barristers, psychologists etc do my course and most of them feel its just them who is terrible. It isn't. I have over 400 people a year saying similar things.

So what is going on?
Well, quite often there is a big mis-match between what we feel like inside when we are in front of people and what we actually show to others on the outside.
People say "You must be able to see me shaking" .
We can't.
"My voice is cracking up - it must be obvious".
It isn't.

Sometimes you can spot someone being very nervous but MOST of the time we don't show it as much as we think we do. This means that when we are looking at other people doing a speech they look fine. They look together. A lot of people will be going through their own hell but NOT showing it.

We are human, we are not perfect, we get things wrong, we don't know everything but somehow when it comes to presentations we think we have to get everything right and be perfect.

So couple this pressure to be perfect with the idea that "its just me who feels bad" and then we have created a recipe for our own hell.
Most people don't like speaking in public and nearly everyone has a bad day. So most of us suffer, lots of us limp through presentations and are jealous of other people who can do it without realizing that they are having a grim time too.  So you are not a freak!

Realizing that "its not just you" is not enough to change it of course. But its a very good place to start.