Why are we scared of public speaking?

Are there any reasons why majority of the people are terrified of speaking in public? Why is this such as huge fear?

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  I was asked asked this question on another website and I thougt it would serve well as an introduction to the fear of public speaking.

I have taught people who are scared of public speaking for the last ten years and there are some core answers to this question. (There are of course individual experiences which add to this)

1) We over-think before, during and after about our "performance". So self-consciousness is at its peak.
2) We have a 500 million old flight and fight system kicking in (language is only 120,000 years old and powerpoint late 1980's!)
3) Our brain is evolutionary biassed towards the negative - on the look out for threats and great at recalling previous threats. ("is that a stick or a snake?" type of decisions were very important for most of our evolution)
4) We don't understand the psychological difference between conversation and public speaking and that gets us into trouble - big time!

And if I had to choose where to start fixing this fear - I would start with point 4. And this might sound strange place to start. But I really think its a fundamental factor we need to get our head around.
The one-to-one conversation skills we all know: nodding, eye contact, affirming by little sounds, asking questions, smiles etc. Wth a listener offering some of these we know that we are doing ok/well in a conversation.
When we publicly speaking two things are happening
1) the audience move from active listening and drop those micro-approval signs that we normally give. So the individual does n't look after you any more. The social pyschology of a group takes over. So instead of the normal smiles and nods the speaker get the "dreaded" blank faces.
2) If the speaker hasn't thought about changing the skills she is using then we are still looking for approval signs. And because they have become an audience - a group - they don't give us approval. They give us blank faces. A blank face in a normal conversation is tantamount to being disliked, judged, humiliated perhaps. So we are facing what we think of an audience that doesn't like us. Not a great place to be as we want their approaval.

So we need to change our heads around a little and just see blank faces as listening faces. Full stop. Blank faces in an audience don't mean attack - its just how people listen. So lets just get used to blank faces as normal. Understanding point 4 helps to make shifts with points 1-3 as well. We no longer see the audience as a threat but just as a whole bunch of listening faces.
So understanding that we need a different way to approach public speaking is what I teach.

FAQs - frequently asked questions

1. Will I be the only nervous one on the course? Will everyone else be better than me?
No is the quick answer. Most people on my course don't want to be there! Public speaking is something that lots of people want to avoid so they come on my course with reluctance. The good thing about that is that everybody is the same boat and quite often there is a sense of huge relief that "Its not just me who feels like this". I encourage participants to support each other and very quickly the group becomes a place where people feel encouraged to safely explore what gets in the way for them.

2. Will you fix me?
Again no is the answer. I can't make that promise to fix you - it would be unrealistic. What I promise is that I will do my best - I've got 10 years experience of running this course. What I hope for is that you will see public speaking in a very different light; simpler, far less stressful, and far more possible. And I also offer a course guarantee so if you really don't get what you want from the cousre you get your money back. Only one person in 10 years have asked for their money returned.

3. Do I need to prepare anything?
Guess what? The answer is no again! What you will learn is the real fundamentals of public speaking so that you can be in front of people with ease. So we concentrate on this important stage of speaking so that you will find it a lot easier to be in front of people. If you are more comfortable in front of people then you will have more capability, more potential to be yourself in front of people. Then you have far more options.

4. I am so scared - do I need to book three workshops?
Book one and see if you need to book any more after that. You can always reserve a place and let me know after the workshop. Most people are pleasantly surprised how much they have changed in one day. A few people do one workshop a year just to get a top up but its more because they now love doing the course!

5. I have a huge fear of public speaking - can you help me?
I often get emails like this: " i have great difficulty with public speaking. I have even gone to therapy in a bid to cure this but nothing seems to worked. I feel very anxious, tight chest and short of breath at the mere thought of doing a presentation. Could you help me in any way?"
Yes, what you write about is exactly why I do the work. It is possible to make a huge difference in how we see public speaking even in a day.



10 core practices of a life-affirming speaker - number 1

 A life-affirming public speaker…

1. Practices taking your place in the world fully. Knows that we are on this earth for a short time so our journey is to become our full and authentic selves before we run out of time.

I'm developing what I think the core practices should be for a speaker who wants to be fully in their power and wants to be fully present.

Number one  is a bold one  and is what the other 9 practices will lead to but i wanted to start with the end in mind. Imagine if we could live our lives fully without stopping ourselves because of the fear of public speaking or being the centre of attention. What would life be like if we didn't hold ourselves back? So its an ideal and of course it may take a bit of work to get close to this goal.  I can't be like this everyday - some days I want to hide under the duvet but I know how powerful it is to take your place in the world.
The benefit of being our authentic selves is that it gives us clarity about our values and maybe even what our purpose in life is.  When we are congruent then our vital energy can be stronger. So in all a jolly good thing!

The "short time on earth" might seem strange to people aged under 30 but I'm 51 now and if I die when my dad died it gives me about 30 summers left. So each summer becomes more valuable than the last.

Here is Liz's story that she sent me on 14th October as I was editing the blog

I came again for the second time, after a few years, to your day workshop in London earlier in the year and wanted to say a huge THANK YOU for helping me to begin to 'stand up and be seen'  
You mentioned a quote about what people at different ages thought about speaking in front of groups and although I don't remember the detail it made a big impact on me, at 62, that when over 60 years, what have you got to lose, just do it! 
Anyway to cut a long story short I have taken the plunge and trained as a Nordic Walking instructor and last weekend led my first group walk of 7 people with me talking them through warm up exercises and 'being in charge', in all,  very much 'being seen!'  I LOVED IT!

Imagine being taking your place.
What would it be like to take your space in the world? What would you do? What would it feel like to be fully you?

I'm fed up with practice, practice, practice

I've just been watching a video analysis on how Steve Jobs presents. At the end the trainer says the oft repeated advice "practice, practice, practice". It's advice you will get from hundreds of people offering advice on presenting and public speaking.
The problem with that advice it is two fold -

1) if you are not careful you create an overly slick and polished performance which the audience doesn't connect with, which is waste of all time for everyone involved. The audience wants to be able to see a real person. The previous blog entry has more on this.

2) more importantly, UNLESS you deal with your fear of being in front of people, practicing doesn't make it go away. In fact it can create more fear. It can lock it in. We don't need to practice being frightened. (Can you hear me ranting and growling as I react to that video?)
We frighten ourselves enough already - when we churn forthcoming presentations over and over in heads.
So the advice should be about learning how to be the centre of attention with ease. Then we can be ourselves and great presentations are far more possible. We need to get use to and enjoy being in the moment with our audience and creating a powerful experience for both the audience and us. And its simpler than it sounds!

Grrrr - rant now over.

PS Of course you can practice - now I've had 24 hours since watching the video to mull it over.
But its a different form of practicing - getting used to being in the moment, letting go of all the stuff that gets in the way, practicing being with one person at a time when you are public speaking, practicing getting used to being the centre of attention etc.
That does take practice. But its a practice about allowing, relaxing, letting go. And in the end that gives you a lot more possibilities than just locking in the fear.